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  • Writer's pictureartahammer

Employ Mental Evaluation

Employ Mental Evaluation

Should you be working or institutionalized?

Answer all questions correctly!                                                      

Why do you want to work here? Money/Pride/Shame

Why would we want to hire you? Pity/Amusement/Profit

Have you ever worked before? Often/less often/More often

Do the above lines hold any special significance to you? Often/Less often/More Often

Do you often find yourself faced with redundancies or contradictions? Often/Less often/More often

Have you ever said to yourself? Often/Less often/More often

If you could be a fruit, would you? Grape/Blueberry/Pimento

Do animals follow you around? Often/Often/Often

Do you favor potatoes over pyroclastic surge? Often/Less often/Thursday

If we had to change your name for you to work here would you favor: Sergio/Aladdin/Lupus

If you saw a stack of bundled hundred dollar bills ($10,000.00) on the sidewalk you would: Leave it alone/Pick it up/Buy it dinner

Do you feel stealing from rich people is inherently wrong? Often/Less often/More often

Do you feel rich people stealing from you is inherently wrong? Often/Less often/ Less oftener

Have you ever said something stupid? Often/More often/More oftener

Have you ever said something, Stupid? Often/Less often/Moron

Do you often find yourself? Often/Less often/More often

If you saw a coworker steal from your employer you would: Report them to the authorities/Demand a cut for your silence/Murder them brutally

If you saw your employer stealing from a coworker you would: Demand a raise/Accept a pay cut/ Whimper quietly to yourself

If you could be a Panda Bear or a Unicorn, do you really feel you would be fit for this position? Often/Less often/Fabulous

In the Gobi Desert there is sand. Often/Less often/More often

In a Grody Dessert there is sand. Often/Less often/More often

I accept Jesus Christ as my personal savior. Often/Less often/Sunday & Holidays

I accept Allah as the creator of all things. Often/Less often/Infidel

Vishnu is better than Krishna. Often/Less often/More often

Krishna is better than Vishnu. Often/Less often/Over again

Vishnu is Krishna. More or Less

There is no spoon. Often/Less often/More often

Knight to Queen’s Rook 4: Check/Mate/Abdicate

500 business cards for $9.95. A deal/Unheard of/What’s a business card?

Have you ever had a sexual thought? Often/More often/Too often

Are you masturbating right now? Yes/Of course/Certainly

Have you committed capital homicide? Often/Less often/More often

Do you still want to work here? Often/Less pay/More hours

Would you be willing to humiliate yourself publically to be hired by us? Yes/When do I start/I’ll do anything

Have you ever appeared in a porno? Often/Soften/Boffin’

Have you ever had sex with a family member? Often/Less often/Whore

Would you kill someone for money? Yes/Just point them out/when do I start?

Do you think this is a stupid test? Fuck you/You’re stupid/Jerk

If blowing an AIDs junky would save a baby in Africa, would you swallow? Often/Less often/Ewwww

Do you feel this survey was invasive? Often/less often/Big pussy

Scoring: 100% - 100%!

90% - 90%

80% - 70%

70% - 50%

60% - loser

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