• artahammer

Employ Mental Evaluation

Employ Mental Evaluation


Should you be working or institutionalized?


Answer all questions correctly!                                                      


Why do you want to work here? Money/Pride/Shame


Why would we want to hire you? Pity/Amusement/Profit


Have you ever worked before? Often/less often/More often


Do the above lines hold any special significance to you? Often/Less often/More Often


Do you often find yourself faced with redundancies or contradictions? Often/Less often/More often


Have you ever said to yourself? Often/Less often/More often


If you could be a fruit, would you? Grape/Blueberry/Pimento


Do animals follow you around? Often/Often/Often


Do you favor potatoes over pyroclastic surge? Often/Less often/Thursday


If we had to change your name for you to work here would you favor: Sergio/Aladdin/Lupus


If you saw a stack of bundled hundred dollar bills ($10,000.00) on the sidewalk you would: Leave it alone/Pick it up/Buy it dinner


Do you feel stealing from rich people is inherently wrong? Often/Less often/More often


Do you feel rich people stealing from you is inherently wrong? Often/Less often/ Less oftener


Have you ever said something stupid? Often/More often/More oftener


Have you ever said something, Stupid? Often/Less often/Moron


Do you often find yourself? Often/Less often/More often


If you saw a coworker steal from your employer you would: Report them to the authorities/Demand a cut for your silence/Murder them brutally


If you saw your employer stealing from a coworker you would: Demand a raise/Accept a pay cut/ Whimper quietly to yourself


If you could be a Panda Bear or a Unicorn, do you really feel you would be fit for this position? Often/Less often/Fabulous


In the Gobi Desert there is sand. Often/Less often/More often


In a Grody Dessert there is sand. Often/Less often/More often


I accept Jesus Christ as my personal savior. Often/Less often/Sunday & Holidays


I accept Allah as the creator of all things. Often/Less often/Infidel


Vishnu is better than Krishna. Often/Less often/More often


Krishna is better than Vishnu. Often/Less often/Over again


Vishnu is Krishna. More or Less


There is no spoon. Often/Less often/More often


Knight to Queen’s Rook 4: Check/Mate/Abdicate


500 business cards for $9.95. A deal/Unheard of/What’s a business card?


Have you ever had a sexual thought? Often/More often/Too often


Are you masturbating right now? Yes/Of course/Certainly


Have you committed capital homicide? Often/Less often/More often


Do you still want to work here? Often/Less pay/More hours


Would you be willing to humiliate yourself publically to be hired by us? Yes/When do I start/I’ll do anything


Have you ever appeared in a porno? Often/Soften/Boffin’


Have you ever had sex with a family member? Often/Less often/Whore


Would you kill someone for money? Yes/Just point them out/when do I start?


Do you think this is a stupid test? Fuck you/You’re stupid/Jerk


If blowing an AIDs junky would save a baby in Africa, would you swallow? Often/Less often/Ewwww


Do you feel this survey was invasive? Often/less often/Big pussy


Scoring: 100% - 100%!

90% - 90%

80% - 70%

70% - 50%

60% - loser

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